How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
