you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
