I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
