smell my finger.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
