I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
