is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize