My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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