i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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