My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
