omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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