I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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