You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it's like iHOP with fire
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
