he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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