No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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