We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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