He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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