nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize