i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wish there were birth control emojis
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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