we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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