He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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