i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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