i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
