i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
