You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
