Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
