Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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