Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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