K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
