Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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