He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize