Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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