He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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