remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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