Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
