So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
