dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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