Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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