This is not my ceiling
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
