I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
