: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
