I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
people are starting to question the shark bite story
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
