How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
