It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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