She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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