ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
