Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
