i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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