maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
honey bunches of taint.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
