Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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