Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
