Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize