You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel like abortions should bother me more
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize
