remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
did you just send me my own nude
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
