I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just saw a hot homeless man
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
