I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
