Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
