I'm going to rape someone's good day.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize