never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
