I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
