I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize