just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
