I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
