i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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