it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
