I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize