An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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