Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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