How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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