I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
