Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
